Who are you now?

‘…and when you spoke I felt like falling; it was scary and that abyss was your backyard; you knew it you made it. ….
I’m carrying my response to you like water in my palms, trying not to spill. Who are you now?’
– E.

–

I am the rain that soaks you
    dripping from your hair into your palms
    blurring the water you carry
    each drop replacing a previous one
I am the water you spill
I am the dirt that becomes mud
I am the wet clay on which you step
    forever sculpted in your shape when dry days come
I am the confusion you have when you awaken from a dream
I am wrong
I am flawed
I am chipped
I am incoherent, inconsistent, irresponsible
    and in these things I am complete, I am perfect
I am a child with bright eyes bigger than diamonds
I am a child afraid of your infinite tunnels
I am a child who pouts and waits for the hug
    that he doesn’t ask for, cross with the universe
I am the cold that gives you shivers
I am the insaanity that distorts your mind
I am a beggar waiting for the crumbs off your lap
I am a cat at petting time
I am old, wasted years piling at my trail
I am dead, for much of life’s paths are already closed to me
I am unborn, for I haven’t even started living yet
I am your aroused nipple and I am the unbearable sadness
    of your eyes
I am the pretension, the make-believe, the mask you wear
    to get through the day
I am your smile without a reason
I am the fool who believes all this
I am the fool who doubts all this
I am what you want when you don’t even need
I am what you need when you would rather not
I am the bones of the prince who came to the rescue
    forever a warning to would be heroes
I am the chimera who guards the entrance of your chamber
I am the accursed demon, jealous, angry, bestial
I am your pillow, glad even when your head rests with another’s
I am worn and battered
I am tired and sad
I am hope itself on a bright morning

Melih Sener